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dlrmm36
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Name: Dylan
Birthday: 5/12/1989
Gender: Male
Interests: Bob Dylan, Jimmy Buffet, Gavin DeGraw, The Format, Queen, The Beatles, John Lennon, Collective soul. Jet, Maroon 5, Meat Loaf, Nickleback, Pink Floyd, Polyphonic Spree, Simple Plan, Greenday, The White Stripes, John Mayer
Expertise: My expertises are Bass Clarinet in concert band and then Tenor sax in the marching band. I just picked up tenor though in the past month or two...
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  dlrmm36
MSN: dlrmm36@hotmail.com
Member Since:
4/24/2004
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| Well, I don't know
why I have such an urge to type something up tonight. I dont really
have anything that important to say, but I do have a lot on mind.
Especially today, more so than any other day lately. All of my thoughts
it my head arn't going to the important things. They arn't being
occupied with competition government (like they should), regional
auditions (Thats not abnormal though), finals (Thats a "on purpose"
mental block), or even christmas shopping (Procastinate until the end).
They are all stuck on the past. I am in such a... weird mood today. i
want it all back, not a certain day or year or time period, i just want
it all back. I want all the good memories that i had with everyone to
be back again. The singing in the car, the nights under the stars, the
long long phone calls. I want that stuff back again, the stuff that I
remember, the stuff that really defined me. I even want Junior year
back, the year that was my own hell. I suppose the reason i want all of
this back is because this wasn't the time that i was scared. I didnt'
have to worry bout college last year, i didn't have to even think about
my car being broken into. This year is defining me, but not the way i
wanted it to, not the process i wanted to go through. To be honest, i
didn't want to go through family sickness, that is a given though. i
dont want to feel scared like that again, i dont want to feel scared
like I am right now. Sometimes after a long day like today, i sit at
home alone just thinking really close to just losing it. I am close, i
don't show it, but I am close to just snapping and giving up for a
while, giving up for the year. I dont want to go through any of this
crap again, it is just to scary to actually think about. I'm scared
that the medicine wont help and will only make things worse, i'm scared
that I may lose one of the single most important people to me in the
world before i turn 18. I doubt i will, i strongly doubt i will, but i
fear it, can you blame me? None of you know it, but i do sit in the
corner doubting the world and myself, inside of me i feel like Junior
year, on the outside, its senior year. That torment that i carried
around with me last year is still their, its just on the inside, no one
can see that.
The main difference though is that no one will ever see that. I am
strong enough to get past this, much stronger then last year. I have
matured and learned how to deal with things. I have been effected in a
good way, I am the stronger better person now for the stuff that I have
to deal with this year. It's been a rotton year. I could make a
timeline with 3 or 4 potentially life altering details in their this
year. More than any other year total.
I hate being alone, I wish my sisters still lived with me. They don't
so i rely on my parents and friends to be help. And they are, great
help. i have the most amazing friends in the world, and flowers proved
that. I couldn't ask for better people than the people that surround me
everyday, i am truly thankful for all of this. I just dont want to lose
you all. I suppose one in particular. I suppose that you will
understand who you are knowing the past and how we were. I want things
to go back to how they were, i have lost touch with one of the most
true person that i know. Everyone always says the opposite, but i dont.
You're are one of the reasons that I want last year to come back. Just
so we can have that again, just so that we can talk about girls and
trashtalk others. Sorry if this is a lame plea.
As the future approaches, i worry that life will not be worthwhile. I
honestly just hope that i can get their. The feeling inside of me just
speaks otherwise, but i just hope that time will help me and I can move
on. Anyhow, dont worry bout me, i will be fine. Hopefully this is all
past, i just had to let something out, and i can't ask anyone for help
so this is how i do it. Anyhow, i love you all.
Dylan
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| My monthly update is only that this could be the start of a very long dark road.
Update #2.. This is going to be a fucked up year at this rate.
Update #3.. I think this year will turn out O.K. after all..
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| I suppose that it
is time for another update. On a day that I have potentially a lot of
homework, i find myself thinking about many other things. Life has been
good, not a lot has happened. Summer came and went, and it was amazing.
My favorite summer yet. I had a few up's and down's but I still find
that it was the most memorable. For my last summer ever as a high
schooler, i couldn't of asked for it to have turned out any better.
School started, and a lot that I feared happened. A lot of the
friendships and such that you gain from having hours upon hours of
non-stress, talking enviroment went away. It went back to the usual
"hey" in the hallway or just not ever seeing them. It's ironic that in
a place where you see people everyday you end up losing a part of your
friendship with them. Things picked up where they left off and I
fell back into my routine. School for me consists of many up's and
down's, I guess a lot more than the normal person. Last year definately
was an experience for me, but one thing I learned was how to not ruin a
year. This year, sure I have the same problems. I still can't really
get what I want, but I can deal with it a lot better then last year. I
had a lot to say right now, but it just went away. The gist of this
whole thing is that even though I have many problems, even though I
can't have what I want. I can live. I'm scared that I lost another
shot, lost another opportunity. I am even more scared that this is it.
Last year at least I had the opportunity for next year. This year, this
is it. Every second I have to take advantage of, but how can I? Do i
know what really is the right decisions? I mean, last year if a
relationship or friendship mostly didn't work out, I could say that I
still have next year to try it out. Not this time, this time I can't
rely on next year, this year every shot I have is my last shot. I'm
ready, others arn't.
Senior year is here, that's so weird to say. My last year of marching
band, last year of the best years. I will never have friends like I
have right now. College just won't be the same, it could be but i doubt
it. So many memories pop into my head from last year, so many good
times. So many laughs, some of the happiest moments of my life were
ironically from last year. The times that I felt more and more like a
true friend, the times that i felt safest. So many emotions i went
through last year, it's fun to think about.
Time is running out. I wish this had more meaning, but it really just
seemed to be a lot of rambling, like Mr. Parker would say.
Until next time,
Dylan
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| This is my life when I am bored.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7713594737074895081
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| I break my oath of silence for one thing.
Marching Band is Amazing.
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